“Pets are practice children for people terrified of actual human commitment”

Jealousy is the only proof love is real—without it, you're just roommates with benefits

Romantic love is just lust plus the fear of being ordinary—nothing transcendent about it

Long-distance relationships are just prolonged situationships

Forgiveness is just a story we tell ourselves so we don't have to feel the rage we're actually entitled to

Your friends should be allowed to veto your relationship

Staying friends with your ex means you never really loved them